grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.