he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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