I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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