remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
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the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.