Screwed.edu
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All the doctor said was why
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
