so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
