areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
