DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
