I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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