I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
