He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
