I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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