He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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