If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
