Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
