I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just puked most of my soul out..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
