His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
