Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
