Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
