Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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