Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
