Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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