I love black thongs
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
