idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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