how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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