I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
