Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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