why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
