she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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