Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
