If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
