It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
