haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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