Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
