I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
