I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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