you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
