I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
