you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
