I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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