Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
