um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
