At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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