Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
