you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
