omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
