Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
