Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize