i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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