You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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