So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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