Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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