I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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