I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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