Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
