she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
