you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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