Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
