grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
