i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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