White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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