Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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