forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
