I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
