It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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