i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
