P.S. I can't hear my feet
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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