I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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