Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
