is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
