dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
