I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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