pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
