it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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