I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
