hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
