I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
