id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
