Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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