I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
